Suhag Raat: Make Marriage and Sex a Consensual Approach

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Suhag Raat

In the Indian origin, Suhag Raat or the first night is a significant ritual in the life of a newly married couple. This ritual is celebrated with great enthusiasm; the room is fully decorated with flowers. These are used to bring sweetness to their relationship.

In fact, in this well-decorated room everything depends on the mindset of the couple, especially the bridegroom. He should be very intelligent, calm, cool and well matured. He should understand the feelings of other people, who have left her house only for him, where she was brought up since childhood.

But, in India, the ritual Suhag Raat is misled through generations, only considered to have a physical relationship, rather than having a strong mental relationship. But after the wedding sometimes husbands often misuse their legal rights and indulge into unethical consequences. And if the intimate relationship is carried on without the consent of the partner then this leads into marital rape. This usually happens in the case of arranged marriages.

Marital rape is the act of sexual intercourse with one’s spouse without his or her consent. The tragedy is that the marital rape is not treated as a criminal offense under the Indian Penal Code, again the wife become helpless and have to compromise with the situation.

The family members of both sides also do not interfere, even the mother of the girl says don’t worry you will be used to it. The girl just feels herself like an object and her dignity was getting outraged each day. She gets indulged into a complicated situation where could not complain to anyone. She has no proof of what was going through with her. She cannot call it as domestic violence either a dowry case but still feels helpless.

According to the United Nations study globally, the statistical report says 11% of rape and sexual assault cases worldwide are ever reported. The latest report by the National Family Health Survey stated that 83% of married women between the ages of 15 and 49 who have suffered sexual abuse referred their current husband as the perpetrator (person who carries out a harmful, illegal, or immoral act).

Most Indian men consider marriage as a license to indulge in sexual activity. However, these men fail to understand that the most important part of the act is consent. From childhood, men are taught to act in a particular way, and they make them fail to understand this simple, basic concept of listening to the views of the partner also. But this insensitive behavior has legalized even a rape inside the institution of marriage.

Girls, from childhood are always taught to be obedient, disciplined and to accommodate all the situations. Even if the things are executed without her consent. This is what happens after marriage, though not liking to indulge in the sexual relationship early but with no option gives a non-consensual submits to her husband if he wishes to go for it. In the ritual Suhag Raat if the physical relationship is with each other’s consent of the couple then everything is happy and good going but on the contrary, if the time and space is required by any of the partners then should wait for each other’s consent. If tried to achieve the desire violently then it is considered to be marital rape. Whether the men or women are educated or uneducated, from a rural or urban background, have to face this situation in life, but after the wedding.

It is for the young generation to understand the concept of ‘CONSENT’ and to revert back to the older generation to clarify if their Suhag Raat was “celebrated” consensually or non-consensually.

Well, marital rape is non-consensual sex with the legal partner. The Indian Penal Code does not identify it as a crime. It is a non-prosecutable offence in India.

The younger generation has to change their opinion on this matter for a better living and healthy relationship.

The couple should be mentally physically and spiritually healthy to enhance the capacity of a healthy relationship, it is necessary that before indulging into sex men and women should lead a virtuous life, should understand each other, develop trust and safety. Wife – husband relationship is built entirely on caring for each other’s sentiments, understanding, thoughts, and mental satisfaction. Give time and space to understand each other in the beginning; let the mental bond develop first which can be done by traveling together to distant places. This bonding will help a couple to have a good sexual life and that too with full consensus. Everyone dream of having a lovely and intelligent child. When two strong minds will give birth to a child then the child will also be of a strong character. Happy, healthy and strong-minded people can only prepare a child to be sound and healthy on the social, economic, physical and mental grounds. Right from the birth of a child to his adolescence phase, parents need to be extra vigilant, caring and should keep a good practical knowledge, which one gets it by their own experiences.

“As You Sow, So Shall You Reap”

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